Saturday, July 12, 2008

Running Wild

At New Belfast.

Okay, Wha?? At the children's section where I have just found out most the library computers in the area have Quake 3 installed on them. And that's all the kids play, along with the Magic School Bus. Truly, the same kids who frag noobs in Quake 3 like to learn with Ms. Frizzle.

I'm so confused.

The Breakfast iClub

So I bought an iPhone yesterday. (It's amazing and everything I hoped for. The greatest phone ever is an understatement) However, in order to purchase the device, I had to wait in line. Forever.

Since Big City is a big city, we have an Apple Store. After trying in vain to go to AT&T, thinking the lines would be shorter, I made my way to Big City's famed Apple store. I supposed there wouldn't be much of a line, since I arrived at noon, but I was sadly mistaken. It stretched several stores long and curved in interesting directions. Still, we all thought as soon as we entered into the store, our purchase would be immediate. But we were all wrong.

But I think I'm getting ahead of myself. I need to detail my companions. Our Apple-centric Breakfast Club. You had:

-The law student, cramming for finals whilst in line, left line once to get a smoothie for her hypoglycemia
-The vet student, hoping to get his iPhone added to a family plan not in his name, never left line.
-The painter, Not really a painter, she was painting her house when she decided to get in line for the new iPhone. Already owned an older model and was showing us how awesome it was. Left line for bathroom and getting beverage. Had nifty tattoos. Was directly in front of me. Quite cute once she took off her sunglasses
-The devoted dad, periodically had his two kids both under the age of 3 with him while his wife shopped in the nearby mall. Left line the most to buy us beverages and its ilk, plus to take his kids to the bathroom. Ended up buying the painter's old iPhone for his wife.
-The Tony

Special Guest near the end
-Tony's Dad, who changed his account information and is a lover of all things Apple. Skipped most of the line to get by me. Maybe stood with us 20 minutes.

We started out young and naive, but once hour number 1 passed, we were all dedicated to getting an iPhone. For the course of 4 hours, in the blazing Big City sun, we laughed, cursed, and became a family. A family of people standing in a slow moving line. I totally felt like I was in a John Hughes movie.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

From Cute to Annoying in 4.3 Seconds

At Buffalo Branch, where a little girl of about 5 or 6 comes up to the circulation desk.

Me: "Hi, can I help you?"

One-Track Mind Girl: "Liberry Card!"

Me: (Assuming she wants a library card) "Okay, have you had one before?"

OTMG: "Liberry Card!"

Me: (Trying to figure out what she wants) "Are you wanting to check out books?"

OTMG: (She's not special needs or anything, she just wants to be difficult. Ergo, she loses any cuteness and becomes just another punk kid) "Liberry Card!"

Me: "You'll have to be more specific than just 'library card.'"

OTMG: "Liberry Card!"

I'll spare you the rest of this, but it ended up with her just yelling "Liberry Card!" at me for five minutes until her mother finally showed mercy and pulled her away from the desk.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Petey's Revenge

At the Buffalo Branch, where it's been a harrowing morning.

Quick funny note: a woman asked to help print out her resume. Among her credits, she listed her high typing speed and word accuracy. Except she misspelled accuracy. And she didn't believe me or Microsoft Word spell-check telling her she was mistaken.

But all was negated by the frightening reappearance of Petey Pedaphile, who somehow got a computer in the children's section. I tried to inform the regular Buffalo staff of his practices, but apparently they've never had to deal with him before. For one chilling hour, I watched him seek out his creepy pictures of fully dressed young girls in non-provocative poses.

However, another internet patron was also engaged in scary behavior on the other side of the library. Some person who I could not tell was a man or a woman, but equally unattractive either way, was printing out a ton of documents from a cruise hook-up site. That's right, they were trying to get their groove on at the library.

So I had creeps on both sides of the desk today. Like social misfits in stereo. Until Petey came up to the desk.

Petey: (Pointing to the gender-confused individual) "Man, that guy over there is giving me the willies. Doesn't he realize people can see what he's doing online?"

I was stunned. Dumb-founded. I wish I had a snappy comeback, but Petey floored me.