Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Larry the Mouth-Breather

Like I mentioned before, from now on I will occasional recant tales of UBC and the wacky students there. Already I have found a worthy successor to even the most bizzare library patron. That man is Larry. Larry the mouth-breather.

Larry is presumably a senior at UBC who is more than likely majoring in History, judging by his enrollment in a upper level class. He also has the functional IQ of roasted celery. In addition, he lacks the ability to maintain an internal monologue. Basically, at even given point during a lecture, Larry will raise his hand or just blurt out the most random and inane thing he can think of. I think the best way to show Larry is through actual things he's said in class:

"HIS FIRST NAME WAS WOODROW!" (Deadly serious after I made a joke after class that Eugene Debs won the election of 1912)

"What did they consider Asian?" (An actual question about the US' immigration limits on Asians. The prof's ((who is Asian himself)) more than a little snarky response?: "Generally people from Asia were considered Asian")

"Wait, so the Lusitania didn't hit an iceberg? The movie lied?!" (Said in class. I wish I could say I was making this up, but sadly, I'm not)

He'd fit right in with Major League Baseball and Petey.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Massive Loss of Cool Points

So I start classes at UBC Tuesday, which means that I spent most of today running around UBC's spacious campus, trying to get all my fees and forms squared away before the big day tomorrow. UBC, being an incredibly large school, covers and dominates most of downtown Big City. Plus, with the Rhinos winning the Kiwi bowl, the entire campus and town has gone crazy, sporting Rhino horns everywhere (This is probably the biggest hint I'll ever give to as the to location of Big City). So admist a sea of Rhino fanhood, I have to register for classes and pay some money.

(I also take my Campus ID picture. Big stupid smile and two thumbs up. That's the only way to take a picture)

Anyway, I spent several hours in various lines until I was finally set and ready for one last chore, buy books for class. Against my better judgment, I decide to go to the campus bookstore, deciding that the extra money I'll have to pay is worth it since they'll probably have all the books I need due to it being the offical campus bookstore. However, unknown to me was the fact that History Graduate Seminars require a whole freaking ton of books. Mostly paperbacks, but still.

So I've got about 35-40 books in my arms when the following exchange goes down.

Girl: "Tony? Tony Kris? Is that you?"

Me: (Recongizing her as someone I know through a mutual friend) "Yup, that's me. How's it going?"

Girl: "I didn't know you were going to UBC!"

Me: (Deciding to put my books down in order to converse with her more politely) "Just got in. I start Tuesday." (I don't know her all that well, but well enough to warrant further conversation)

Girl: "So I didn't know you and "McGruff the Crime Dog" (Mutual friend's name) were friends. How did you meet?"

Me: (Putting my hand down on the shelf ladened with my books, as I begin to tell the tale of my meeting McGruff) "Well..."

All the sudden, the shelf collapses, making a horrendous racket and causing me to shout:

Me: "OHMIGAWD! What the heck was that!?!?!"

I am now surronded by a plethera of history books. By this time, a swarm of bookstore workers have rushed onto the scene. I'm just hoping I don't have to pay for any damages.

Girl: (Semi-oblivous to what's going on) " did ya'll meet?"

I so I tell her the story, all the while having bookstore empolyees clean up my mess. I try my best to not seem like a total dork getting my books picked up for me, but I think that might not be possible. A massive failure on my part to keep my cool points intact. I believe I'll be starting the school year at -3000.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A New Evoultion in the Blog

I've just gotten accepted into Grad School for history at UBC. As one might expect, I'm insanely excited to get back to school work and boring history papers. However, this does not mean I will be leaving the blogosphere. Nah, it would break my heart too much to leave my "fun patrons." With a bit of luck, I'll be able to go to grad school and work for the Big City Library System at the same time. So instead of just stories of random library people, you'll be getting some tales of the random students at UBC (GO RHINOS!)

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

A New Land Speed Record

At the Buffalo Branch, where my speed in checking out an elderly patron causes him to exclaim:

Countrified Patron- "Good Lord boy! You're quicker than a jack-rabbit on a date!"

I didn't know Lagomorphs were so promiscuious.