Friday, June 20, 2008

Giggity Giggity Goo!

At New Belfast, where my love of working for the library just got reaffirmed hardcore.

I'm not kidding, this guy came in not even 5 minutes ago. I'm working the circ desk and this very special individual approaches. He is wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt and has a very pronounced chin.

Erieely Framiliar Guy: (Loud and distinct voice) "Hey there! Can I get some headphones?!"

Me: (Looking at the computer screen, not really noticing his face) "Yeah, all I need to see is your library card"

EFG: "Alright!" (He bobs his head a bit)

I look up, and it's the human embodiment of Quagmire. I'm not joking. His real first name is Ben, but that rhymes with Glen, and that stands for Glen Quagmire.

Me: (Almost certain I'm on hidden camera for a new Fox reality show "Family Guy Characters Harrass You At Work"): "Here are your headphones, sir"

EFG: "Thanks mack! If you need me...(Points to the computers)...I'll be surfing the net! Woo-hoo!"

Now all I need is a talking dog to ask me for a martini and I'm set.

Monday, June 16, 2008

My Personal Way to Beat High Gas Prices

So this past memorial day I had the pleasure of sitting through governmental librarian in-service. Over 300 librarians, all crammed into a room together, suffering through some of the most interesting powerpoint, the breaucracy has to offer. And I know what you're thinking: "Wow, with so many librarians, who's going to feed the cats?" I kid! I kid!

Anyway, as part of the fleeting efforts to keep us vaugely interested, door prizes were given out. In particular, your very own Tony Kris won by far the best door prize.

It was a Razor Scooter. A very fancy one at that. Seeing how gas prices have topped $4 in Big City, I believed I had just found a fool proof way to get around. Sure it would take me hours to get from my house in Bruce Hill to any of the libraries, and cost me more money in Gatorade than I would ever spent on gas. Plus, I would be a stinky, sweaty mess once I reached my destination. But no matter, Tony Kris just got himself a Scooter.

During the lunch break, after finishing my plate of state-supplied gyros, I decided to give my new set of wheels a spin. It took me a little while, but soon enough I was speeding around the parking lot. However, in my excitement of learning how to ride and steer, I forgot the value of stopping. After reaching a swift pace, I promptly lost control of the scooter, and made a theatrical crash at the foot of my car.

I don't believe any saw me, and it's for the best, since my accident resulted in my pants being severely ripped. In the crotch area. And impossible to cover up. Needless to say, I quickly made my way home to make a quick change before any one was the wiser. (Of course, now I've written this online, everyone will know. Oh well, price you pay for blog posts)