Wednesday, May 28, 2008

My Own Private Brady Bunch

At Middletown, where one of the regular librarians made the seemingly innocent mistake of calling me "Thomas," to which I took great offense. I've been called by that name so many times in my life it's not even funny.

You see, my much older brother is named Thomas, and he's like the coolest dude on the planet. He's the better looking, more successful, and all around nice guy you can never live up to in your family's eyes. He's like the uber-rockstar of Christmas. He lives several states away, but his cool essence still bothers my life. Other than starting with the same letter, our names are noting alike, let alone our personalities. However, even people who don't know him or know of him always seem to call me Thomas. One of my favorite professors at College always called me "Thomas" like 800 times a class, even though I always put Tony on my tests and essays. Did I mention that my brother and I went to completely different colleges in different states?

Of course, I took the usage of a degrogitory name in stride. I just bared my teeth and politely informed her that my name was "Tony"

So yeah, I guess that makes me Jan Brady for the rest of the day.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Time Management Is Not My Thing

At Riverview, where I've already had a rough morning.

Ordinarily, pretty much all libraries in the Big City system are open from 9 to 6 on Fridays. However because of some concerts right next to the Riverview library, they've been opening at 8 in order to close at 5. This early closing allows the branch not to become overrun with intoxicated music lovers.

I've been scheduled to work for the past two Fridays, both of which started poorly. I woke up bright and early last Friday, thinking I had to be at Riverview for 8. However, as I pulled onto Riverview's street, I double-checked my schedule only to discover I was slated to work at the Washington Branch. Which, of course, opened at 9. Having nothing better to do, and with the price of gas being ridiculous, I went to the Washington Branch and listened to the radio whilst in the parking lot.

So this morning dawns, I triple-check my schedule, and I know for certain I'm supposed to be at Riverview for 8. I leave Casa Del Kris at 7:15, arriving in downtown Big City for 7:30. I actually find a decent parking space, and head for the Riverview entrance at 7:40. With a little bit of luck, I can set everything up and be ready to go for 8. (Since I travel around to all the branches, I don't have keys to any. I'm dependent on a regular staffer to open the door. One gets used to it pretty quick)

Here is a play-by-play of my time:

7:45-Check the door. It's locked. Peer inside to see if anyone is behind the desk.
7:46-Decide to chill outside.
7:47-Sit down on bench
7:48-Wonder if my car is going to get towed
7:49-Become slightly concerned about the lack of staff considering the library opens in ten minutes.
7:51-Wonder if Mark Hamill ever gets sick of being called Luke Skywalker
7:53-Attractive young lady passes me by on her way to the nearby coffee shop. Says a quick "hello"
7:55-Call the Riverview library to see if anyone is there. No answer
7:58-Wish I had brought a book or something
8:00-Zero hour. Still no one is at the branch. Patrons start lining up.
8:01-Patrons realize library isn't opening and the librarian is even more clueless than they are
8:02-Attractive young lady returns from coffee shop. She throws me a glance, but I'm too bizarred out from work to respond in kind.
8:04-State workers show up to fix the lighting. Door's still locked, they don't have a key.
8:05-Retry calling the library. No response.
8:08-Wish I had brought a DS or something.
8:10-Attractive young lady returns. Asks if I'm a librarian. I respond I sorta am. She's some sort of judicial aid at the court house next door. Her name is Kate. She is pleased to meet me. Kate wonders why she hasn't seen me before, since she oft goes to Riverview.
8:11-Kate gives me her number and asks if I want to go to lunch today. I refuse on principle, and that it's kind of weird.
8:12-Kate leaves a little dismayed, since she doesn't look she's gotten turned down before. This marks the fifth time I have been asked out in a work-type setting.
8:15-Fifteen minutes have passed. I call my boss. My boss is out today. I tell next in the chain of command the situation. She says she'll look into it and call me right back.
8:16-Wonder if Mark Hamill would have turned down Kate.
8:17-Call back from next in chain of command. Turns out the concert series ended last week. Riverview is back opening at 9. I feel like an idiot.

So yeah, for two weeks in a row, I've gotten up way early for absolutely no reason.

Friday, May 16, 2008

For The Record

So after about a month and a half, McGruff the Crime Dog finally got her package. It took several calls to His Majesty and visits to see the goat-man, but she finally got it. And she freaking loved it. So Tony Kris gets all sorts of bonus points.

Anyway, I've got her second package prepared. I suppose I should sent it sometime soon. Maybe this time the warlords will be easier to defy.

I've Been Tagged

So apparently I've been tagged. And I must comply. So here we go: Fact, Goal, Random.

1) Fact: I got my grades from my first semester at UBC. Pretty stinking good.
2) Goal: To send McGruff another package
3) Random: I was supposed to be twin girls. My parents had the names "Tanya" and "Tina" picked out and everything. However, whenever Momma Kris gave birth, only one male Tony came out.
4) Fact: I have three major fear: Lakes, Small segmented shapes (like beehives), and trailer parks.
5) Goal: Finish my summer project (I'm writing a book)
6) Random: I once gave a girl diamond earrings on the first date.
7) Fact: I have never gone into any sort of debt.
8) Goal: Get my Ph.D, teach some classes, write some books, never retire.
9) Random: Pretty much any exclamation yell out at random moments comes from a rap song. Key examples: "Collipark!" "Shazam!" and my personal favorite "The Most Beautifullest Thing in this World!!!" ('s just like that!!! I get in ya!) For real, I say the word "beauifullest" a ton.
10) Fact: I have found that working isn't all it's cracked up to be. Or "real life"
11) Goal: To read a big, long, dumb series this summer (I tried the "Wheel of Time" for a while, but got bored and quit)
12) Random: I think Keith Murray is the most underrated rapper ever. And Jazzie Pha is the most underrated producer.
13) Fact: I really like summer movies. Even if the film is terrible, I'll have a good time eating popcorn. In fact, that's usually what I enjoy the most.
14) Goal: To spend a summer in New Zealand
15) Random: I think that I will always be mystified by women; no matter how old I get, no matter how well I know them individually, they will never make sense to me.

I tag whoever might read this.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Wherein Tony Kris Feels Like A Jerk

At the Taylor Branch, working the circ desk. Guy comes in carrying his infant son.

Guy: "Yes, I'd like to pick up a hold."

Me: (Sensing that the guy looks framilar, but I chalk it up to the probablity of seeing him in Taylor once before) "Alright, what's the name it'll be under?"

Guy: "Target. First name is Easy"

Me: (Somewhat stunned) "Did you go to Big City Middle?"

Easy Target: (Very hesistant) "Yeah..."

Me: "I thought you looked framilar. Anthony Kris (I only started to go by "Tony" while in college). We had some classes together."

Easy Target: (A little scared, holding onto his son tighter) "...You're not normally here, are you?"

Me: "Nah, they just send me here occassionally. Wow, it's been over ten years! You been alright?"

Easy Target: (Not comfortable at all) "I've been well. Do you have the books?"

Me: (A little baffled, but I roll with it) "Lemme check." (Seeing that they're LSAT books and wanting to make conversation that's non-middle school related) "Ah, the LSAT. I took that. It's a pretty daunting test. Not really hard, just long."

Easy Target: (Wanting to get out) "Here's my card."

It's at this point that I realized a vital fact. I spent most of my middle school days bullying and mocking Easy Target. (Not beating him up and taking his lunch money, more like saying that he was dumb, poor, smelly, and an all around human wasteland) I couldn't count the number of times I made him cry. In fact, he transferred out of Big City Middle after 6th grade, presumably because the teasing. I mean, I wasn't the only one, but I certainly didn't obstain when Easy Target was around. Heck, even his name made him an easy target.

So seeing me in the library probably un-repressed a whole slew of bad memories. He'd gotten over his past, gotten a girl who liked him, heck, even had a child. But like something out of a bad dream, evil Anthony Kris is behind the desk at the library. I decide to tone it down.

Me: "Thanks." (Checks out his test prep materials) "Due in three weeks. Take care"

Easy Target: (Sort murmurs a half-parting and rushes out of the library)

Needless to say, I felt like a smuck for all my past behavior. I suppose I reaped what I sowed, even after I'd forgotten about the torment I caused Easy Target back in the day.

Oh well, such is life.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Maybe 4 People in the World Will Get This

You live life and you don't think that you make that much of a difference and then a little thing happens that validates everything.

Watching "Nightline" with my father, when a report comes on about the mortgage crisis and its effect on Baltimore.

(A note: Since I'm going to grad school in my hometown, I've found it perfectably respectable and logical to move back in with my parents after living away from home for college. No sense in paying for rent when I could live at home and save money. I'm not trying to impress anyone, so life at Casa Del Kris seems like a pretty sweet deal. I mean, I'm going to move out for my Ph. D, since it won't be at UBC, but paying rent when I could live for free just seems silly)

Dad: (All the sudden, out of nowhere) "Omar Comin'!"

Yes, I suppose if nothing else my viewing of "The Wire," arguably the greatest show ever on television, has resulted in my dad having an awesome go-to joke any time anything remotely related to Balitmore presents itself in the conversation.

I don't think I've stopped laughing.