Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Are Those Bears Even Legal?

At Paradise Plaza. The entire library world has been liberated. Today is April 16th. While we had scores of patrons come in demanding free tax services prior to this lovely day, there is now a dramatic drop-off with inquiries. To celebrate this fact, the staff was kind of taking it easy. There was an ease and flow about today. Everyone was in a good mood, we were freer with stickers, lots of smiles. And then Stinky Homeless Dude comes in. (He reeks of like industrial cleaner and pixie sticks)((He also kind of sounded like Will Ferrel's impersonation of Harry Carry))

Stinky Homeless Dude: "Hey!"

Me: "Yes sir, can I help you?"

SHD: (Long pause) "I bet you're glad to be done with taxes!"

Me: "Most certainly" (chuckling a bit to see if he's going to laugh along. He doesn't)

SHD: "Well, you gotta do your taxes. I did mine last year."

Me: "So did I, but the government keeps wanting more" (Trying again to get a shared laugh going. Critical failure once again. You'd think I'd learn)

SHD: "Bulls@#$! If you ask me, they're nothing but a bunch of cheaters! Money-grubbing hucksters! They tried to audit me once!"

Me: "I bet that wasn't a good day."

SHD: (Finally laughing) "You bet it wasn't a good day! For them! I sicked my drop bear on that IRS agent! I don't think they ever missed him!"

Me: (Horrified beyond all measure)

SHD: "Anyway! Can I get on an internet!?"

I did not choose to argue with this man. So not only did he boast about killing a member of the IRS audit team, his method of execution was sicking a carnivorous koala on him. I can't respond to that. Score one for the crazies.


Monster Librarian said...

I wish we had more funny patrons like that in the library! ha ha ha. Thanks for the laugh!

tkwagner said...

I can totally relate to this situation. Thanks for the humor! I have been in that boat myself a few times!