It's Like Having 5 Different Phone Conversations at Once

At Redwell Waters, working reference, when I get this phone call.

Me: "Redwell Waters, reference desk, may I help you?"

Politically Motivated Man: "Uh...Yessir...what does the word 'accrued' mean?"

Me: "As in 'accrued' interest?"

PMM: "Yes...does that only apply at the state level or the national level?"

Me: (Baffled) "Wha?"

PMM: "Does interest that's 'accrued' go on the state or federal level?"

Me: (Trying to understand what he's saying) "Okay, are you asking for the definition of a word or for some tax help?"

PMM: "Both, ideally"

Me: (Looking up 'accrued' in dictionary for exact definition) "Accrued- verb. To accumulate over time. It's interest that you've gotten over time."

PMM: "Now can the governor get that?"

Me: (Really confused now) "Okay, what?"

PMM: "Someone told me that the governor can get your accrued interest. I don't want him getting that money so he can spend it on Scarlet Women" (I swear, he said "Scarlet Women")

Me: (Slowly beginning to realize the extent of craziness) "Oh, that wasn't the governor of our state, that was the governor of New York. He was the one who got in trouble."

PMM: (On the defensive) "But on the news they said he was part of a sting operation and they got other people in it."

Me: (Trying my best to reassure him, it's a losing battle though) "That was just in New York state, our governor wasn't involved." (Remember, Big City is in the South. Nowhere near New York)

PMM: "But what about that bill he passed? Can everyone get the money or just people with lawyers..."

Okay, I'm going to stop the transcript right here. Basically, for about 6 more minutes, he detailed his extensive conspriacy theory to me. From what I can piece together, he believed that somehow the government (but he wasn't sure if it was the state or local government) had placed taxes on the usage of the word "accrued." Furthermore, all the governors in the country were involved in a prositiution sting and were all going to resign. There was also some talk of Barack Obama, but I'm not sure how he got into the conversation. Mainly, he asked a lot of legal/tax questions and wanted my advice. Also, because I work for the government, I have the knowledge of a lawyer since and I quote "They teach you all that stuff during training. And don't lie to me and tell me that they don't cause I know that the NSA paid for the sandwiches"

Once again, I don't know where to start. I really wish that my 2 days of inservice equaled a law degree. It would have saved me all the money and hassle of taking the LSAT and applying to all those pesky law schools. (Long time Tony Kris fans would know that I seriously considered going to law school for a while, even going as far as paying a non-refundable deposit for my first year. However, I'm glad I saned up) However, if Mr. Segway on the phone here thinks I've got my J.D., then by gum, I'm going to give him free legal advice.

Maybe I should start signing my name "Tony Kris esq." again.